Celebration of Strength

by Bullhorn Gypsy on Monday, January 16, 2012 at 4:25pm

Walking out of a Dark Closet, Removing the Silence, and Ending Abuse

Abuse is everywhere we look. People of all ages - children, adults and seniors - are abused every day in marriages, domestic and family households, senior care centers, schools, work locations, the street, and just about everywhere you can imagine. Whether the abuse is verbal, physical, or emotional, it leaves scars on its victims. While the scars remain, it is important to put salve on them, work to prevent another abusive encounter, and teach others that abuse is wrong. It takes passion, bravery, and a removal of silence to conquer abuse. It can very uneasy, and even frightening, for people to stand up for something even if they believe in the cause.

Unfortunately, there are always people who do not want goodness to shine through the world. They want to manipulate, control and harm people into submitting to their will and desire. Advocating to end abuse, Harriet Cammock removed her silence over a decade ago, and she works to empower other people to remove the silence that masks their pains. Through radio, television, self-help books and speaking engagements, Harriet highlights the atrocities that result from abuse, and she encourages people of all ages to remove the silence. Often, when something is kept in the dark, it is kept there without addressing the issues. Harriet walked out of her dark closet over 10 years ago, teaching people that we have control over our lives if we want it.

Harriet volunteers as a speaker for HAVEN. Servicing the Oakland County area of Michigan, HAVEN serves its community in pioneering intervention, treatment, prevention and education programs. Formed in 1975, HAVEN can help individuals and families through all stages of crisis and work to eliminate domestic and sexual violence. On January 19th, HAVEN will recognize Harriet Cammock for the commitment and passion she has given towards their mission of empowering survivors of domestic and sexual violence. Raising her voice and serving as an advocate has made a significant impact in her community. Because of her service to others, Harriet has been chosen as the recipient of the Phoenix Award. This award is given annually to someone that has reached out to the public in the past year to raise awareness of our issues.

Please join HAVEN and friends for the Celebration of Strength, 4:30-6:30 pm at The Townsend in Birmingham. The event promises to be an evening of inspiration, passion and networking with other HAVEN awardees, friends and supporters. If you would like more information, please feel free to contact Kristi Pavlak at (248) 334-1284 ext. 341 or kpavlak@haven-oakland.org. On behalf of the thousands of women, children and men served by HAVEN each year, Beth L. Morrison, President & CEO Of HAVEN, would like to thank Harriet for her commitment to their mission.

Bullhorn Gypsy http://www.bullhorngypsy.com

getting the word out about great things

Happy New Year!

I have decided that for 2012 what I need is a new attitude. It is customary at the beginning of each new year to make resolutions on things we plan to accomplish and about half way through January that resolve weakens. What I have found to be far more realistic in making new goals is a change in thinking. If we change our way of thinking we change our way of living. Having a renewed mind means we will leave all the disappointments, losses & negative mindsets in the past. These are things that continually hampered our personal growth. There are some negative thought processes we allowed to take root in our minds that have actually been the reason why some of us hesitated in taking steps that could have advanced us to the next level. A popular reggae singer some years ago (Bob Marley) once wrote "emancipate yourselves from mental slavery/none but ourselves can free our minds". In essence we need to rid ourselves of any thought process that would inhibit us from pursuing our dreams. We are the ones who can do it.

In 2012, let us resolve to renew our minds and not allow ourselves to be influenced by negativity. Let us resolve to keep our focus and look ahead to the greater achievements of the future. Let us resolve to have a change in attitude; and let our thoughts define and influence our actions on a daily basis. We can do better, we can have a changed mindset which will help us overcome the barriers that prohibit us from making steps towards our achievements.

I wish for you and yours a very Happy New Year and make 2012 your best year yet!

Live, Laugh, Love!

On behalf of my family, I wish to thank you for your support in 2011 and look forward to a prosperous and blessed 2012. Be Blessed!

The Meaning of Hope

The words of a Christmas Carol from my childhood reverberates in my ears "Tis the season to be jolly". As I look out across the country, I can't rightly say the mood is jolly, it seems to be anything but. The mood of the country is directly tied to our pocketbooks and its contents. I had hoped that Black Friday shopping would have restored our confidence and our hope in the belief that things would turn around. I had even entertained the idea that cyber Monday shopping would reveal itself as one of the greatest phenomena of this age. But what I found was that the lines for returns were just as long as the check out lines had been at stores on Black Friday. Is this just a case of buyer's remorse?

I am not painting a picture of negativity,the reality is people are hurting. A vast majority have lost hope in our ability to rebound from the economic meltdown of 2008. The ramifications have been far reaching as people have lost jobs, displaced by relocation due to job loss, homes lost due to the foreclosure crisis and have watched as the family car is driven off down the drive way. It seems families are literally imploding as violence escalates in homes across the nation.

Where has hope gone? I would like us to take a moment to remember what made us great. In order to restore our hope, we are going to have to take comfort in our routine, affirm ourselves in the little things, remind ourselves that we will and can overcome the obstacles that are set in our path. We are going to have to re-energize, re- strategize, re-engineer,re-structure, resuscitate , rejuvenate and re-think traditional ways of coping while employing some new and creative strategies.

One of the first things I have learned to do in this new reality, is to give thanks for the little things. Every day I give thanks for health. I have come to appreciate the value of a healthy body, mind and soul. I give thanks for my family and their well being. I give thanks for my friends and how they are coping through various life situations. I have learned to delay dealing with some situations when they arise so that I can develop better strategies to handle them. I focus on the good, and try to rethink and sell myself an idea that a setback is nothing but another opportunity.

We cannot loose hope. It is part of the fabric we weave together on a daily basis in our lives. Hope sustains us. Hope encourages us. Hope pushes us to explore new ideas, new ways of doing things. What is the meaning of Hope?

H having O optimism P persistently E everyday

As we go through this season, and watch our fortunes rise and fall with the stock market, as our portfolios diminish, jobs are lost, homes foreclosed and displacement becomes the norm rather than the exception, let us purpose to maintain our HOPE: Having Optimism Persistently Everyday!

Live, Laugh, Love!

Dion Evans & RMG Radio, Candlelights For Community

I am pleased to see my friend Dion Evans of RMG Radio, Oakland California organize and execute a non-violent vigil in his community. Many of us in one way or another, have seen or witnessed some form of violence. It doesn't matter whether the violence affects you personally in the form of violence against your person or against some one you know, the fact is all of us need to be aware of the damaging effcts of violence in our community.

I have stated my case against domestic violence. Having survived it's harmful effects, I now work to encourage women how to survive and to rid themselves of abusive relationships. In recent times, we have seen an escalation in violent acts as our society seems to implode on itself.We can blame harsh economic realities or we can each of us take action and work to end violence. It starts by each of us employing conflict resolution techniques and sometimes just by taking a deep breath and calm oursleves before approaching situations of conflict.

It is a widely accepted fact that there is way too much violence depicted in television shows, movies and sporting activities. I wish we could take a step back and look at ourselves objectively and see what we look like when we disagree. The escalating incidences of violence and rising gun violence must stop. It ends when you and I take personal responsibility and start by doing things such as joing with RMG Radio and lighting a candle.

We need your help.Let us join together in ending violence in all our communities. Each one, teach one. Each one need one. Each one love one.

Live, Laugh, Love

Lindsay Lohan's Dad, Michael Charged with Domestic Violence

Once again violence against women is in the spotlight as another high profile woman is subjected to violence from an intimate partner. Michael Lohan the father of Lindsay was recently charged with domestic violence by his girlfriend Kate Major who had prefvioulsy filed a domestic violence charge against him. As we have often said, violence against women knows no boundaries. It crosses all racial and ethnic lines, social status including cultural, economic and educational barriers common to any society. Even if the perpetrator is someone from whom we exepct a certain rational level of behavior, these individuals typically do not display their anger publicly but save it for the women with whom they are intimately involved. We have to face the fact that we have a problem of violence in our society and that no one is safe. We must take action to ensure we educate ourselves on the signs and symptoms of abuse displayed by men in our lives.

We must recognize that as a society, we are likely to loose the fabric that holds our society together. Our women and children are our most vulnerable members. We must protect them by enacting legislation making domestic violence a felony as it prevents the abuser from accessing the persons he abused. We cannot afford to miss this opportunity. I need your help in contacting every representative to notify him or her of our concerns and that immediate attention is required in order to stem the tide of violence. Join with me as we petition to have laws changed to protect our women and children. We must stop the violence.

Live, Laugh, Love

Violence Against Women-October 2011

It seems to me that this has to be one of the deadliest months on record as it relates to violence against women. It brings to mind the horrific statistics that 1 in 3 women will be murdered by their husbands or boyfriends. The recent cases of elderly women who have been violated and killed by members of their own family reminds all of us that violence against women knows no boundaries and has no age limits.

Indeed, violence does not discriminate. It is not contained by national borders, socio-economic statuses, lifestyles, racial or ethnic profiles, nor defined by cultures nor any other means of classification we can think of. The one thing that is sure is the fact that every 9 seconds in the U.S. a woman is assaulted or beaten. We can not sit on the sidelines and watch as our society implodes on itself by allowing women to be victimised by their husbands or boyfriends while we continue to attend funerals of someone's sister, daughter, niece, friend or colleague. How much longer will we ignore their cries for help. We must continue to advocate for an end to violence against women and children.

I read a report recently where in one state in order to reduce the number of individuals incarcerated in the penal system, the authorities began a review of domestic violence cases with an intention to reduce the status of domestic violence to a misdemeanor. This is a very sad state of affairs. In fact were this to happen, we are literally telling women that there is no recourse or way out for them to rid themselves of abusive partners. As I read this I began to contemplate in my own life how very different my story would be if the abuse I encountered was not matched in equal parts by punishment from the justice system .My own experiences are proof of how much legislation is needed to protect women and children from the hands of abusive men. Had the laws which define and protect women in domestic violence situations not existed, my children would be mourning me as a statistic.

We have to stop the violence. Lend your voice to mine and join with thousands of women across the nation as we advocate for an end to violence. Let us create awareness by asking for sponsorships in addressing conflict resloution techniques in domestic settings as we teach men and women how to relate to one another in times of crises. We must begin by teaching and patterning the behavior we want our children to model. Our homes have become battlefields. Let us begin by remaining civil and calm in approaching issues and employ teaching initiatives to our children on how to relate to their intimate partners in times of crises.

After surviving violence, I began to seek ways in which I can empower women on how to achieve freedom from a life of violence. I need your help, walk with me as I work to end violence against women.

Live, Laugh, Love!

The Craigslist Killer

You will recall the series of events leading to the arrest of a medical student in Massachusetts some years ago who solicited women through Craigslist , met with them and killed them. What made this story interesting is that the young man was engaged to a fellow college student whom he met while thy were volunteering at a local emergency room.It's safe to say he was leading a double life. He was in fact a medical student by day and a serial killer at night.
This case epitomizes the violence that takes place against women who sometimes are in need of love and find it in the wrong places. I know you might ask why do women continue to be subjected to violent acts with the men with whom they are intimately involved? As we go through this month in which we are creating awareness about domestic violence, let us remember the violence that confronts women for whom the peddling of their love is a form of trade and commerce and is viewed as a profession in some environments. Violence does not discriminate and neither should we. All of us at one time or another have found ourselves in some form of extreme emotional deprivation resulting in the impairment of our ability to make sound and constructive decisions about our lives and future.

Violence is violence. Regardless of the place, time, location or surrounding activity, once a woman has been compromised by someone with whom she has engaged with in an intimate setting,any activity causing her to be violated is something we must address. All over the world, women are subjected to violent acts daily. In some places young girls are paid to perform sexual acts on men old enough to be their fathers. That is classified a violent act against a child. We must address this issue and deal with the fact that we as a society must idealize the patterns of behavior we would like to see. In other words, look in the mirror. Step back and take a look at the person in the mirror. Let us work to end violence against women and children. We must stop the violence.

Live, Laugh, Love

The Violence Against Women's Act - (1994)

We are in the middle of National Domestic Violence Awareness Month and as I look back over the events that shaped my experiences in surviving, I realize I have never paid tribute to Vice-President Joe Biden who authored the bill about which this story is written. In my book "Through The Fire" I detailed how as an immigrant my then ex-husband, took great delight in ensuring the process by which I would achieve resident alien status became part of the process of abuse. In his quest to create grievous harm, one of the things he did was to write a letter to what is now called Bureau of Citizenship & Immigration Services. In that letter he expressed his desire for me not to receive landed status as I would leave the country and and he'd never see our daughter again. Of course , I had no such intention, but at the time an awareness had not yet been created about the effects of domestic violence as it affects women and children.

Here's how I got out of it. I went to therapy and my therapist explained the Violence Against Women's Act. Basically, the law provides a way for women in abusive situations to achieve landed status without the particiaption of their spouses who often times use this barrier to keep women enslaved to an abusive pattern of behavior. It is one of the ways in which power and control is played out in abusive relationships. The Act was authored seventeen years ago by then Senator Biden from Delaware who worked through the Senate to push this bill on behalf of women who had no other legal recouse. The basis for qualififcation has to be an abusive pattern of behavior in which the abused woman's life is in danger. Since I began advocacy, I have heard of many stories of women who have been brought to this country by men who in turn abuse them thereby alienating and isolating them from access to this and other resources that are available.

It's important to never stop advocating for the protection of women from abuse. We must keep the fight to ensure violence against women comes to an end. You can do your part by reading this story and making a contribution to agencies in your community who advocate for an end to violence. All of us have a role to play. I must admit I was reluctant in accepting this role as I wondered why I had to endure the abuse I experienced. It became clear to me afterwards, that had it not happened to me, I would never have realized the extent to which violence is pervasive and the ways in which it affects the lives of every one in it's path.

I say all of that to say this. Consider you are doing me a personal favor. Imagine if you had never heard of me, read about me, read one of my books, heard me on radio, seen me on television, friended me on face book, followed me on Twitter , all of that would never have happened, had someone not believed and stood up and decided to do something about the condition of violence against women.

I need your help. I can't do this without you. I am your sister, your friend, your niece, your aunt. For every woman who is abused, she is someone's sister, someone's friend, someone's mother, someone's daughter, someone's cousin,someone's niece. We must stop the violence.

Live, Laugh Love

Violence Against Women - Iraninan Actress sentenced to 90 Lashes

As we draw awareness to the recognition of Domestic Violence Awareness month in October, it is increasingly clear violence against women is a worldwide concern.An Iranian actress who starred in a film withour wearing the hijab headscarf, Marizeh Vafamehr was arrested in July for a appearing in a film produced by an Australian filmmaker.
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I am outraged and appalled at the Iranian government to impose such a harsh sentence on a woman. We need to recognize that violence against women and children is a world wide problem. I am asking all women to stand up and use every media tool at your disposal to bring awareness to this issue. Everywhere women are subject to violent behavior is a threat to our security. We have seen in recent times, the imprisonment of an American hiker in Iran who was accused of entering the country illegally. This is a country known for entrenched vilence against women and its citizens who disagree with the policies of the regime. Further, Iran does not recognize the rights of women.

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I am deeply saddened by this action on the part of the Iranian government. I am not surprised that a repressive regime continues to use violent methods to keep its population from expressing their feelings about life in their own country. Thousands of women around the world experience violence to their person every day. In this month and every month I am asking that we pay attention to incidents of violence against women and children. Using all methods available to you, social media, letters and emails to your elected representatives let your voice be heard. It's time to stop the violence.

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Through The Fire

It's Domestic Violence Awareness month and I am a survivor. My experiences with domestic violence took place during my thirteen year marriage. The physical violence began in the last three years and escalated until the distintegration of the marital union. I have written extensively on what signs to look for and identify in relationships. In my experience, the abuser presented himself as charming and convincing. I fell in love with a veneer of charm and as the marriage progressed I became introduced to his real nature, one of violence against women in his intimate realtionships.

For many years the emotional trauma I encountered prevented me from addressing the issue. But as time went on, I became easily adapted to speaking on issues relative to violence against women. In my book Through The Fire I describe what it felt like to be me. The experiences details my own inability to reconcile with myself an understanding of how I became entranced by someone who purported to love me but hit me. So many times in recent histroy we have seen women who are battered and beaten by men with whom they are intimately involved. There is no excuse for violence. Sadly many women continue to stay in abusive relationships because of economic need, fear of leaving and fear of surviving. I say that with all honesty as many women have succumbed to the belief that you will not make it oustide of the abusive relationship in which they find themselves. >br/>
We must realize, violence is not love. Abuse is not love. You are better off leaving and starting over as statistics show the rate of survial in domestic violence situations are extremely low. As I walked through the fire, I was not burnt. I stayed true to my faith and belief that somehow not only would I get out of it, but that I would Thrive not just Survive. Domestic Violence is the leading cause of death among women in the United States. Every nine seconds a woman is assaulted or beaten by someone with whom she is intimate. Every day in the U.S more than 3 women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends. I want you to take a look at these statistics. Many women are today walking through the fire. Encourage and motivate someone you know to get out of it. You might just be the only voice in her environment who might the help she needs. >br/>
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence I am enouraging you as you walk through the fire, you will not be burnt, the important thing is to walk throug it. Don't stay there, walk my sister, walk. >br/>
Live, Laugh, Love

Have You Felt Your Boobies Lately?

It's breast cancer awareness month and it's the time when we remember women who have paid the ultimate price with their lives in the fight against breast cancer. It was my turn recently to submit to my doctor's order for a mammogram. I became fully aware of my body when my doctor said, it's time for a check- up. I was reluctant,but then I thought , I feel my boobies, so I'm fine. In truth, I do feel my boobies, I do the monthly self exam when you examine your breats for anything unsual. There is no history of breast cancer in my family, but you can never take anything for granted. You have to test and allow yourself to be examined, do your own self exam monthly and if you find anything unusual, go to your doctor. Ladies please feel your boobies.

Some years ago, a woman I knew found a lump in her breast and against her doctor's advice refused a mastectomy. Her excuse was her husband would not find her attractuve enough with just one breast. Unfortunately, the cancer spread and within a short period of time, she was gone. Saddened by her death her husband passed away one year later. I have never forgotten her face and how filled with life she was. I made a chocice from then on to always feel my boobies and to keep praying for a cure.

This brings to mind, why I wanted to write about this in the first place. On arriving for my appointment at the place to be tested, I was greeted by a kind and compassionate technician. I expressed my hesitation about subjecting my breasts , a delicate part of my anatomy to an uncomfortable procedure. She was kind and explained her mastery of the technique would reduce any discomfort I would experience . I asked the sixty four thousand dollar question that had been burnning at the back of my mind: What about women with breast implants, do they get tested? She said yes, however the implant hides a portion of the tissue from being exposed to the x-ray machine, so if there is a lump it cant' be seen.

I was stunned. I said out loud, is it really worth it for the cosmetic appearance to overlook the fact that a foreign object implanted in your body can prevent detection of a disease. I became curious about the body's ability to grow accustomed to the implant. She explained, the body grows tissue around it, but there is no sensation in the breast.


As I waited on a total stranger r to touch an intimate part of my body, I realized the connectiion between our breasts and this dreaded disease. We give our breasts to our husbands to share with pleasure in lovemaking and we feed our babies with milk from our breasts. Every man who has lost a wife can remember the way he felt as he held her in his arms and to think the same breast is now sick can bring a grown man to tears. Every child who learns their Mom is sick from the same breast who have them life can become very emotional about the issue.

To every mother, sister, daughter, niece, best friend, colleague, co-worker who has survived , I say kudos to you and every day of this month I'l wear or carry a pink purse. To those who have lost the battle, thank you withour your sacrifice, I wouldn't be feeling my boobies. Pink is Power.

Live, Laugh, Love

Straw Dogs

I went to see the movie 'Straw Dogs' recently and had no idea what it was about. I must admit it's very rare I see a movie that I don't know anything about, but I decided to sit back and enjoy a mid-week break. The premise of the movie is about a small town girl who became a televison star in Hollywood and who moved back home to her small town in MS. She took her husband who as a script writer on hiatus thought the tranquil countryside would be conducive to his writing. Before moving back they decided to hire a contractor to repair damage done to her family home by a recent hurricane.

On their arrival in town, you can well imagine what it must be like to drive back home to circa 1985 and see that things haven't changed since you left. It's in the middle of the afternoon and the local Diner cum bar is filled with people who are not just drinking Southern sweet tea, but are likely to be enjoying their tea with a few sips of Southern Comfort. You get what I mean. But here's where the movie gets interesting. The contractors she hired are her high school boyfriend who got left behind after a football injury ruined any chances of professional sports glory, even before he got to college. Now she having moved on to higher pursuits arrive back in town on the arm of her worldy and educated Hollywood husband. The ex-boyfriend in the meantime is harboring thoughts she will pick up where they left off when she left town in pursuit of her dream. It goes without saying the small town mentality began to came alive in the way the ex-boyfriend carried out his duties as contractor while repairing the couple's roof.

When it got to this part of the movie, I got it. The story really is about how you can't go home. If you have ever left a humble beginning and achieved any level of accomplishment, there will always be people in your life who would like to do nothing but remind you of where you are coming from as if they can diminsh whatever you have already done by insisting that's all you can ever be. I always say surround yourself with people who celebrate you and not those who tolerate you. There are people in your life who never want to see you go beyond what they believe is good for you to do. Many African Americans can identify with this as their memory of slavery and civil rights includes sayings like 'you are getting too big for your brtitches.' This was someone's way of keeping you down, by highlighting the mistakes and remnants of the past as if it will affect your outcome or the way you see yourself in the future. You have to be really careful about the people you let in your inner circle. If they are not engaged with you in the development of who you are and is cheering you on to become the very best you can be, you need to re examine and evaluate every friend, acquaintance and associate and if they don't fall into the category of being a motivator encouraged by your success they have no reason to be among you and as soon as possible get rid of them.

Don't let anyone diminsh you or your capacity for greatness. Always look in front of you, let the past serve as lessons to guide you into the future. And who wants the past anyway? It's filled with mis steps, mistakes, missed opportunities, this is why we have been given the present to review the past. We can always hope that the future is greater than anything in the past. The movie ended disastrously for the lead character. She eventually lost her home, lost her connections to a past which she might have been guilty of elevating to a level of consciousness which did not fullfil her expectations.I will not make that mistake. Anything that's in my past as far as I am concerned deserves to be there. Lets' face it, if it were good for me it would be in my present and would be in my future. Let the past be the past and press on to the glorious accomplishments of the future.

Live, Laugh, Love

Bishop Eddie Long to Speak At Stand Campaign 2011

I find it interesting to note the line up of speakers for the Stand Campaign 2011 scheduled for Atlanta Georgia on October 1, 2011. Just in case you doubt me I am attaching the link which shows the line up of speakers including Bishop Eddie Long. I can hear your silent questions of unbelief that Bishop Long is included in a campaign which seems to have as its core message a oneness of spirit. To be truthful, I haven't contacted the organizers to determine if they are aware of Bishop Long's history.

But I must tell you this, let me be clear on my position of grace and mercy. I believe that we are sinners saved by grace. I believe that God's mercy enables us to live day by day for all the failings of our human character. I also believe in forgiveness. That no matter the sin, grace and mercy predated the sinful act and you are forgiven before you sin. That is redemption by grace.However there is a certain level of accountability that Christian leaders, in fact all individuals in leadership positions are required to maintain. Bishop Eddie Long in his capacity of pastoring a large church, mentoring young impressionable men who looked up to him as some sort of spiritual father failed in his duties to display the love of God shed abroad to all humanity. The accusations leveled at him by five young men who paint a disturbing picture of a leader run amok of his spiritual obligations and high indecency and immorality who placed his hands on them inappropriately causing undue emotional and spirtual damge not only to their individual psyche but also to the portrait of God the Father and the body of Christ.

Bishop Long has yet to answer these allegations of sexual molestation. Until he does he should not be in a position of visibility as he conitnues to perpetuate the myth that just because grace has allowed us back into the mercy of God, does it mean grace has given us a licence to sin and hurt unsuspecting people. I pose this question to the organizers and I ask what justification can you give for allowing Bishop Long a platform to extend greetings to anyone when he himself has not extended mercy to the boys who accuse him,nor has he given grace to his church in aplogizing for the emabrassment brought on by his own self centered actions derived in pleasure seeking self fulfillment without regard to the damage done to the church as a whole and the body of Christ in general. How then can he explain to anyone about grace when it is clear to anyone watching that he is an individual in need of going through the same process of redemption as anyone else.

Stand? What are you standing for? Are you standing for sexual predators who use their positions to torment unsuspecting young people? Are you standing for sexual miscreants who abuse their power in subjecting people whom they supervise and lead to become addicts of immoral behavior? Are you standing for sexual oppression of people in certain groups who are tormented by people in positions of authority?

The Stand Campaign 2011 : What exactly are you standing For? http://www.onlinefellowship.org/2011/08/27/cory-coco-brother-and-joann-rosario-condrey-present-stand-one-body-october-1-2011-in-atlanta-ga-free-tickets-available/

New Jersey Church Reverses Offering

As you read this headline, I know you are asking "What on earth?" Yes you read that right. A church in New Jersey on Sunday decided to distribute money to its members instead of traditionally collecting an offering. This echoes my sentiments expressed a few weeks ago in my radio show "The Harriet Cammock Show" a few weeks ago, that any chance of a stimulus or economic recovery is going to start with each of us.

If everyone were to reach into his or her resources, and help someone else, it would inspire hope, inspire dreams, encourage someone to build again, to keep on looking in the direction of hope. You might be thinking, I don't have thirty thousand dollars to give away. I am not asking you for that. What I am asking is for you to give of something you might have that someone else might need. Perhaps it's your smile, a word of encouragement, a shoulder to cry on, a heads up about a job opportunity, a business deal. Whatever is in your hands reach out and touch someone, today.

In the past five months, I have been challenged in ways I never imagined I could have. If it could go wrong, chances are it went wrong. I found myself asking what could I do to change someone's outlook. I imagined if it were me, what would I want someone to do about the situation. Sometimes I think the reason we endure hardship is so that we can see what it feels like to be on the other side of needing a miracle. Had I not walked this road, I could never imagine the hopelessness that exists. I remember days when it seemed like nothing would turn around. And still I lived. I learned once again to take time out and treasure each day. I began to realize that what matters is how I lived each day. There's a verse in the Bible where Jesus said" Sufficient unto the day st i'ts own troubles" I lived through that this year. I came to understand that each day came with its own demands to deal with. And all anyone could do is to take it one day at a time.


That's who we are. We are one. Let us make this recovery one inspired by a movement of people who decided that enough was enough. I am tired of seeing my brother suffer, I am tired of seeing my sister in want. I am going to be the agency of change and change and affect someone else's outcome. All you have to do is start. Just look around you someone is in need of your prayer, your smile, your encouraging words, a job opportunity you might know about. You to can become a part of reversing the offering. Let us stop being takers and become more givers. Let us give and give, and give and give. And when you receive, turn around and give to someone else. My friends, I give you my smile, my love, my laugh. Make someone's day today.

Live, Laugh, Love

"50 Great Writers You Should Be Reading"

I have been selected as a finalist for a competition in which 50 Great Writers for 2011 are selected. When I began writing some years ago, little did I know that this would be one of the hallmarks of the journey. In my life experiences, there have been many setbacks,it's fair to say I have seen many ups and downs. As I look back over the series of events which precipitated this turning point in my life, I am sure of this one truth; You will never be happy unless you pursue your dream. I have learned it's not about the destination. It's the journey along the way that brings the greatest joy,the greatest achievement and the greatest victory.

The one thing I have learned is to never loose sight of your dream. Never give up. Never quit. I have found greater happiness in pursuing my dreams. I have found purpose and passion and a quest for life. I may not have all the things I want to have, but life is not made up of things nor is it the importance we attach to things. Life is made of laughs, love, tears, joy, sorrow, achievement. You can call these the intangibles. The tangible stuff such as where we live, work, are things we attribute to trophies of our achievements. I have resolved never to live another day of my life surrounded by misery. I pledge to laugh every day. I have found that laughter is indeed the best medicine. And after all the adversities, after all the pain, it's now my turn to laugh.

Join with me in celebrating life by visiting this page and casting your vote for me http://www.theauthorsshow.com

Live, Laugh, Love.

Have You Paid Your Taxes Lately?

The new report from the U.S. Census Bureau stating 1 in 6 Americans is living in poverty is not good for the nation's state of mind. Years of wars and Bush era tax cuts for the wealthy among us have finally caught up with us. To paraphrase my grandmother 'our chickens have come home to roost'. The economic instability we now face is further compounded by a national sense of hopelessness. Most people today are suffering from a lack of hope that the economy will improve or that things will ever get better.

In light of President Obama's job bill and his speech this morning asking Republicans annd democrats to cooperate, is a turn in the right direction. But what I want to focus on is the number of Americans earning a million dollars or more who should pay their fair share of taxes. A few weeks ago,a startled Warren Buffett said he's paying less taxes than the people who work in his office. He suggested wealthy Americans pay their fair share. When you look at the country, it makes you wonder whose idea was it anyway for wealthy persons not to pay taxes based on how much they earn. I mean, doesn't it seem to make common sense to pay your share? The reality is if we all do not pay our taxes, the America we have come to know will not exist any more. I cannot for the life of me understand the reluctance on the part of some politicians to accept the fact that failure to pay up now will have dire consequences later.

So many people have been living without hope of recovery for so long that joy has been replaced with misery. People are living on the edge of sanity waiting on the economy to turn around. I want everyone reading this blog to ask by email, face book, tweet, every politician, celebrity or any person who has made more than a million dollars in the last year and ask if they have paid their fair share of taxes. Yes you heard me. Every singer whose cd or mp3 you downloaded, every movie star, TV star or reality show personality you follow on social networking sites, ask them how much taxes have you paid lately? President Bush should be cringing right now. Everybody should feel bad at the situation people are confronted with. This is not the America we used to be. We have become a nation of self-serving, selfish, self-centered individuals who are uncaring of our fellow citizens.

What will we do when people become desperate and take their concerns to the streets? Will you feel secure in your home? People have had enough. The President is right. It's time for everyone to pay their fair share. Have you paid your taxes lately?

Poverty Is Bad For Your State Of Mind

I became aware of how desperate the economic situation is among ordinary people when I visited the office of social assistance. As I walked into the room, the atmosphere of desperation could very well be felt all around. The looks on people's faces were if not murderous, (I would advise politicians to stay away, people believe politicians care only about fattening their wallets) but in essence people have given up hope. I learned later, many persons have exhausted savings,and relatives' good will and have turned to the system to provide temporary economic assistance. Families were represented, mothers with young children,seniors, others who through job displacement now find themselves at the mercy of landlords and mortgage companies alike. Even though there are certain measures in place, there now exists in the mindset of people the feeling that hope is lost. The economic turn-around people have been hoping and anticipating just hasn't happened. Most people now feel that America has become the land of the haves and the haves not. Individuals who in an earlier time would never find themselves at the mercy of public assistance now find they have to remain dependent on a system to determine their economic survival.

In my own experience I have found the mind is the most important part of the body, if you can renew your way of thinking you can change your way of living. However if you find yourself thinking I'll never make it, the economy won't change, politicians are not interested in my struggle,everyone else is doing well except me, this becomes a dangerous mindset to keep. Indeed if you look around you and realize you are on a slippery slope into a downward spiral, you might find yourself in the position of thinking poverty is here to stay.

My encouragement to you today is no matter what you have to face, no matter what is going on around you, if life itself has come roaring at you , DO NOT GIVE UP. Think positively, focus on good things, use your mental energy for good thinking on every matter concerning your life. If you are going to expend energy in thinking,you might as well think positively.

Poverty Is Bad For Your Health

In the words of Rev. Jesse Jackson, poverty is bad for your health. I sat in an audience at a recently concluded "State Of The Black Family" summit, organized by The Word Network,and hosted by Greater Grace Temple of Detroit, Michigan. A panel including Rev. Jackson discussed the state of the black family in America today.The aim of the summit was to highlight issues facing the African American family and what remedies can be applied. I was intrigued at the information presented to the audience. Knowledge is power and if we are to remove ourselves from the bondage of poverty then we must empower and arm ourselves with information. We are all aware of diseases affecting our population. What we might not have internalized is the extent to which poverty impacts diseases. For example, a person living in an inner city community without reliable transportation has very little options in order to maintain a diet that is healthy and supportive of his wellness goals. The store on the corner is less inclined to carry times such as fresh fruit and vegetables but is armed to the teeth with alcohol, canned goods, foods high in sodium,and low in nutrition. Poverty is bad for your health.Poverty is also a vicious cycle as it afflicts generation after generation of individuals who exist on the edges of society who never have enough to maintain their current situation or to allow for economic empowerment of the next generation.

How do we stop this vicious cycle from afflicitng our population? We need programs that offer support and and educational investment among youth of inner city populations.There has to be some community regeneration projects with the underlying intention of making each community economically empowered . I am going to share with you some statistics I learned at the summit. If this information disturbs you, it's time to contact your local representative, state senators, congressman/woman and demand social programs designed to end poverty in the African-American community.

- In the last one hundred and eleven years, the most definitive factor affecting unemployment is racial bias. Jobs Plan anyone? -African American males are 6% of the U.S. population but are 50% of its prison population. This proves most black men are in prison, and answers why prisons is a growing business in America. -The African American female incarceration rate has increased by over 800% in the last two decades. No that was not a typo the rate of increase is 800%. -Nearly 1/3 of incarcerated individuals suffer from some sort of mental illness. Where are mental health institutions? -Undiagnosed learning disabilities account for many cases of low student performance in inner city communities. Not only is poverty bad for your health, but will it also rob you of educational opportunities. - The Foreclosure crisis evaporated 2$B of wealth in the African American community, where oh where is Countrywide Loans? -African American men who work for the federal government earn 72% to the white male. In the private sector the rate is 59%. So a black man is better off working for the federal government than for corporate America. Shocking, isn't it? -Talk about The Wealth Gap. An African American woman with children is worth $125.00. You read that right, one hundred and twenty five dollars. -A black man with a criminal record is less likely to get a job than a white man with a similar record -1.3Million African American families lost their homes during the foreclosure crisis -The average white family is worth $113,000.00, the average black family is worth $6,000.

We need programs that address these issues in African American communities. Now more than ever we have to build a better foundation for the next generation. At the end of the day we are all in this thing together, come on let's do this.

For more information on "The State Of The Black Family" Summit visit The Word Network @ http://www.thewordnetwork.org/ & Greater Grace Temple @ http://www.greatergrace.org/

And We Are Off

I have often wondered why January is the month we identify as the start of a new year. I would be inclined to think the month of September represents the start of new beginnings. Just one day ago, we saw the current crop of Republican Presidential delegates debate the issues of our time. This debate is cataclysmic as it starts the Presidential race at full throttle. Yes we are off and running into whatever political battles lie ahead. The other major event that happens in September is the start of a new school year. Academicians, students, educators, administrators at all levels of the educational system come together and bring their focus and expectations for a successful year. I need to know why do we continue to use January. You may say well, a presidential debate comes but once every four years,but in recent times, we have seen when Congress returns after a summer break, a battle ensues between warring ideologies and current modes of execution on the nation's issues. I have yet to witness the start of a new Fall season without some kind of debate on what to expect from elected leaders and representatives and how they will carry out their duties and lead the nation into the future. And let me pause here and say the future is bright. No I am not referring to the future of the presidential elections and any surmises as to who will win. Time alone will answer that. But I am talking about our ability to survive the current economic climate that has adjusted the way we now live. Time will fix that as well. Time changes everything. Just as the season changed from bright sunny summer days to the crispness of the air signaling the return of Fall (my favorite season),time will adjust our expectations from elected representatives who are mere humans subject to failings and lack of understanding of the super human demand we place on them. Time is the one factor none of us have any control over. Time and its effectiveness adjudicates what will be current this time next year, this time the year after and so on and so forth. We must begin to learn to accept the timing of event, working within the concept that time fixes everything. Right now I myself have gone through a battle in which I recognized that as time passes on , so does the ache and hurts of the moment. As a new season dawned, I understood that what I thought was essential now has no more significance to the time I now live in. I accept and am grateful for the passing of that time for now I know that this and all other events which shaped a terrible tumultuous time has passed. I say this to us as a nation. The current events and afflictions we now face has a time limit. Time alone can and will fix these. We must learn to be patient and to allow time to effect the meaningful change we want to achieve. Let us be more patient and learn to accept that time is not our own. Whilst we must make use of it, we cannot control how it moves. Therefore we come to a place of emotional and mental maturity that after all the bickering and fighting, posturing and pontificating and the unnecessary energy expended in debating the expression of our opinions, we still l have to wait on the passage of time to bring about our desired end. We must learn to be patient. This is a by-product of learning to understand and use the value of time. Patience gives cool heads. Patience teaches us to be more kind to one another. Perhaps while we wait it is a good idea to look around our communities and identify projects we can handle. Maybe it is not such a bad idea as we wait on congress to pass or approve a bill presented by the President that we begin to be the agency of change. Time affects change! So as the new year begins to evolve, let us use time wisely. Let us continue to help one another by donating and giving of our energy, resourcefulness, money, possessions to those around us who are feeling the ipnch. Time will affect our outcome. Let us use that time wisely.

September. Feels like Fall in my part of the country. It's also the start of a new school year and I am looking forward to the start of new seasons in my own life. I have noticed over the years,a pattern in my own development. In the past several years, every four years represented a tumultuos change. In the year the change is to take place, I will experience upheaval which would sometime indicate that my desire would not be realized. But I have come to learn to distinguish between a mirage and what is really true. Sometimes you have to tell yourself that stuff won't last forever, but you will outlast the tough times Across the country, people are feeling the effects of what could be called the worst possible economic times since Jimmy Carter was President. Make no mistake about it, it is rough out there. People are barely making it, if at all. Social Services is stretched to the limit to fill the gap for most people who can't seem to make it. It's not that people aren't trying. Nobody is trying to fail. The problem is the people who can help are not helping. I am asking each of us to look within and to find some way in which we can help each other. Stop worrying about the government, and state programs,etc. Let's start by helping each other one person at a time. Using social media, Face book, Twitter, Foursquare, etc. If your company is hiring notify your friends, your family. Let us start by looking out for one another. Let's start right where you are, by helping someone. If you can pay someone's light bill, do it. If you can pay mortgage, rent, car note, buy back to school supplies , buy gas, babysit so someone can look for a job, do it. Somewhere along the line the satisfaction you will gain will far outweigh the effort and cost you put in. Take our eyes of the media and naysayers and what the President can or cannot do. How about we all start by what we can do. Looking within to fulfill each other's needs in this very trying time. And while you are doing so, fill yourself up with inspiration tune in to my show The Faith Show on Blog Talk Radio, Mondays @ 8:00 Pm for inspiration. Tell yourself we are gonna make it. Let's join hands together across this great land and rebuild. It's time for a change.

Money Is Not The Answer

We now know that sex and money are not the answers to happiness. In three days we have learned of the deaths of three famous and wealthy men, one of whom we know definitely committed suicide. These men had in common ingredients most people believe are necessary to lead happy lives. They each had equal amounts of wealth, power and influence.

From the outside looking in, their lives were a fairy tale existence. From watching The Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills, Taylor Armstrong who was married to Russell Armstrong, a venture capitalist, provided his wife with an enviable lifestyle. Their only daughter lived her days as a fairy tale princess. Life was complete with luxury homes,luxury cars, limo rides, private jets, shopping and so on. All the trappings of wealth you see in lifestyles of the rich and famous. While details are still emerging on the death of hockey star Rick Rypien, early reports indicate an ongoing battle with depression,says The Globe and Mail. In the case of megachurch Pastor Zachery Tims of Orlando, Florida who was found in a New York City hotel room, drugs were found on his body according to reports in the Wall Street Journal. TMZ reports Russell Armstrong committed suicide by hanging.

All this makes you wonder what goes on in the minds of these men who have everything material life could offer. I have often said money doesn't buy happiness. I lived this personally as I was beaten by my ex-husband while I lived in a house with a swimming pool and a tennis court in my backyard. It's obvious money, sex and power are not the answers to what we are searching for. In our quest to lead fulfilling lives, we pursue these attributes in the belief that having them will mean we will never be unhappy. I must say I have found more happiness living by myself in a two bedroom apartment than in a four thousand square foot home with housekeeper on property, gated entrance and all that.

This brings to mind something I learned years ago from my grandmother. Never envy anyone for anything they have, because you don't know what price they paid to achieve it. Pursue happiness as a state of being not equated with material possessions. In the words of my grandmother, these are indeed wise words to live by

Sex And It's Consequences

The death of Pastor Zachery Tims has brought to mind the far reaching implications of the consequences of sex outside of marriage. I first met Pastor Tims many years ago in a local Christian TV station in Orlando, Florida. I found him to be personable, affable and charismatic. He and his wife were newly-minted pastors of a new church creating waves in the community. Looking back on it, it was one of those moments in time that left an indelible mark on me. It was an occasion when then-football player Deion Sanders was touring and giving his testimony of being delivered from sexual sin which destroyed his marriage.

Over the years I have enjoyed Pastor Tims' ministry. In fact, I have memorialized him in my Bible for a sermon he preached in 2001, from Habakkuk on the power of a dream. That message uplifted me at a time in my life when I needed to hold onto my dream. Regretably in 2009, I learned of Pastor Tims' indiscretion which resulted in divorce from his wife of 15 years.

We cannot overlook the connection between sex outside of marriage and the resulting chaos that it brings. It doesn't matter whether you believe in God or not, the fact is once we get married, we are required to be faithful to our spouses. Outside the church the consequences of extra-marital sex involve divorce, disease, displacement, separation, etc. And that's just for starters. The point is within or outside the church once we choose to ignore our marital vows and indulge ourselves in sexual relationships we will reap the sorrow.

There is a recent case of another high profile pastor accused of committing sexual acts on young men. The consequences of his actions will manifest in time to come. There is no getting away from it, these are the rules if engagement by which we live our lives. In any corporation or company once you join, you are given a hand book which details your rights privileges and rules of acceptable behavior. It lists consequences of violating the code of ethics established for the organization. Similarly, the Bible is the code of ethics for pastors, bishops, church leaders and all Christians to follow. It is what it is. When you signed up for it you were given this handbook with the code of ethics to follow. It listed our rights, privileges, and rules of engagement. It also listed consequences for failure to follow the guidelines.

The result of sexual sin is death. Death of marriage, death of ministry, and now in two cases we have witnessed physical death - Bishop Earl Paulk of Atlanta and now Pastor Zachery Tims. Let this serve as a wake up call to the church. We cannot escape the consequences of our actions. Even when we have confessed and repented, we are still held and bound by the Handbook

Conflict Resolution - An End To Violence

I have decided to write about using Conflict Resolution techniques as a method to end violence in our society. With the recent escalation in violent episodes nationally and in London,England it has become necessary for us as a society to review and adopt certain methods of resloving situations of conflcit.
As a people, we are of varying backgrounds and perspectives.There will be areas in which we will disagree from time to time.However things do not have to fall apart due to our different viewpoints. Here are some things to do when placed in a situation of conflict:

Exercise Self -Control.You are the only one who controls how you will you will react to any given situation.
Respect the other person's point of view
BE CALM
Listen actively,
Empathize
Establish Boundaries- express your desired outcome.
Be conscious of your body language. Pointing a finger at the other person tends to inflame them
Validate them
Reframe your Words
Replace negative words with neutral terms
Understanding the content of what is being said and the meaning it has for the other person.

To solve conflicts effectively we to need listen carefully to the other person's point of view and take their feelings and concerns seriously, while at the same time stating your side of the situaiton in a straightforward manner.
You must state your position by expressing your views,needs,concerns and feelings. Doing this helps the other person gain insight about how to handle the conflict.

On your side, when stating what your needs and concerns are you need to;
Be brief; Your message needs to be easy to understand.
Honesty is the best policy. Be honest, say what you mean so the other person is not left wondering what you really wanted to say, or how you really felt about the situation
Be Non-Judgemental. Need I say more? State the facts please. Do not identify in your discourse statements that seem to attack the other person's opinions, actions or points of view. Avoid using words or phrases that might sound threatening to others.

Be Open and Flexible. Listeninng to the other person's viewpoint might just provide an alternative solution. It's always a good idea to start off by assuming everyone wants a succesful resolution to the conflcit.

Domestic Violence From A Pastor's Perspective

Now what is Domestic Violence? According to the American Heritage dictionary,it means to abuse to use wrongly or improperly, to hurt or injure by maltreatment or ill-use, it also means to assail with contemptuous coarse or insulting words.The word domestic refers to home or family so this violence happens among those who live under the same roof.

As a child I grew up in a home of violence, rage and anger, especially when my stepfather on his weekend alcoholic binges would abuse my Mom physically, until finally Mom got tired of the violence and retaliated, as many women do today out of revenge. But this is not God's will on how to handle matters.

Heb:10:30 says "For we know him that hath said,vengeance belongeth unto me,
I will recompense saith the Lord, And again, the Lord shall judge his people" (The Bible, KJV).From my counseling experience, Ihave found that many people have a hard time letting go of their past scars and hurts from abuse, allowing them to fester and grow until their whole life is made miserable. But if we let go of our past hurts, and allow God to heal those wounds that are so deeply embedded, we can live more productive and happier lives.

Jeremiah 30:17 says "For I will restore health unto thee, and I will heal thee of thy wounds saith the Lord because they called thee an outcast, saying, this is Zion,whom know man seeketh after". These are powerful words of affirmation.

I am so happy, to be set free from my past scars of childhood abuse,and only
God's power could have done this and my trusting in Him. Now through Abused
But Not Shaken Ministries that God has given me, I can reach out to hurting
souls for the Glory of God.

Not only that, but through Christ and the power of prayer,we can triumph together over the demonic spirit of abuse, that has caused many to suffer in silence,thereby destroying lives. Thanks be to God who gives us the Victory! We declare we have victory over abuse, victory over past hurts, victory in every area of our lives. If you or anyone you know has expereinced domestic abuse, you too can have victory in your life. Christ assures us in His word, "I am come, that they might have life and that they might have it (life) more abundantly" (John 10:10 KJV). My friends that is God's desire for us. Abundant life by His Grace!

Dr. Patricia Heathman is an author and Pastor who directs the Abused But Not Shaken Ministry in Pontiac, Michigan. Her breakthrough novel "Abused But Not Shaken" is a riveting story of how she survived domestic violence. Dr. Heathman can be contacted @:

Dr. Patricia Heathman,
7092 Highland Rd. Box #234
Waterford Mich. 48327
www.patriciaheathman.org

Another case like Florida?

Missouri authorities are reporting the disappearance of a 3 year old girls in mIssouri. She was riding her bike outside the family home and literally disappeared into thin air. Sounds eerily familiar. The FBI is reporting no leads in this case.

What do you think? http://www.foxnews.com/us/2011/08/09/45000-reward-offered-in-search-for-missing-missouri-girl/?icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl1%7Csec1_lnk3%7C85081

The End of Violence

I, like many of you have noted the wide scale level of violence sweeping across our nation and even at large in our world. The riots taking place across the pond in London, which have seen unbelievable property damage seemingly gaining momentum,violence in Afghanistan targeting American troops domestic violence on our doorstep, I wish it would all end.

The violence in London is tragic in its far reaching economic consequences for the neighborhoods affected. In our own society,domestic violence has escalated keeping tabs with economic downturns on every front. People just simply have lost it.We need to start teaching a non-violent approach to conflict. It's time for non-violent change. Let's start the movement for non-violent change. We must stop the violence.

How to use The 'F' Word

How To Use The 'F' Word with Elizabeth & Krystel Barkley

Elizabeth (Left) & Krystel (Right) Barkley are self proclaimed Fashionistas & Style Consultants and Authors of the newly released Fashion tip book called:

 

“The ‘F’ Word – The modern girls quick fashion guide to keeping your inside, outside, and bank account fabulous!”

– Available online through Xlibris.com, Amazon.com, and BarnesandNoble.com


Identify your Signature Style in 5 steps or less*

Okay ladies, we plan on diving into some great fashion tips and trends with you in this column, but before you start your journey to becoming a full-fledged fashionista, you need to find out what your signature style is! (Some of you lucky girls are already in tune to your individual style, but don’t forget, you can always change things up!)
There are many ways you can figure this out. We are going to give you 5 steps that should do the trick. You may only need to utilize one or two of these steps or you may need them all, either way, we promise after trying these tools you’ll be well on your way to not only choosing a signature style, but owning it!

*Step 1- Do your homework!
No, we’re not telling you to sign up for another semester of school! But let's be honest, some women underestimate the value of a good fashion magazine. Newsflash: They aren’t just good for free fragrance samples or to use as a trendy accent sitting on your coffee table! They are JAM PACKED with endless pages of designer trends (and even budget friendly trend look-a-likes for the recessionistas)! And the best part is that most magazines don’t favor just one or two styles. They have a little (or a lot) of something for just about EVERYONE! So curl up with a few magazines and cut out or mark with a sharpie all of your favorite trends and outfits you think would not only look good on you but also make you feel good. Guaranteed by the end of a couple magazines you’ll have a collection of pictures that share similar styles! – That’s a great start!


*Step 2- Be a Copy Cat!
Not literally. In our book there isn’t anything worse than a Fashion Clone. Let’s face it; there is only one Lady Gaga! Not only do we doubt you’ll be able to find a retailer that can replica her threads, but it will probably not be in your best interest (or Health – do we need to bring up the MEAT dress?) to head out on the streets in a Gaga get-up. But good news- there is an array of acceptable and trendy “Fashion Icons” out there for you to admire today! Now don’t feel like a total poser if you try to look like the stars these days. Yes some of them came on the scene with a signature style, but don’t forget, most of them are dressed exclusively by top designers. Meaning they pay people to pick out their wardrobe. Now that doesn’t mean they have no individuality, it just means they are lucky enough to have someone bring a selection of clothing that they pick and choose their favorites from. But of course to do that, the designers have to know what that stars personal style is… So, look at some top Style Divas on the scene and see whose style appeals to you most. Are you playful and girly like Taylor Swift? Are you edgy and rocker like Rihanna? Are you futuristic and daring like Katy Perry? Are you Classy and Sassy like the Kardashian sisters? The possibilities are endless!

*Step 3- Dwell on the past!
Okay this step may be cringe inducing but it is definitely necessary. So take a deep breath and go to your closet to the dusty corner that you stuffed all the fashion no-no’s you’ve made in the past! And we don’t just mean the obviously ‘out of style’ outfits, we’re including the totally trendy pieces that happen to just be extremely unflattering or unrealistic on you. A lot of times we buy things that are high-maintenance and come with a lot of baggage. Yeah that’s right; baggage doesn’t only exist in a dead-end relationship. Clothing baggage is almost worse. Meaning you buy a cute top but have a slew of “when’s” and “ifs” attached on to it! “I know this top will look great on me when I lose 10 lbs.” OR “I know this dress will look great if I wear it with two pairs of Spanx and buy that double sided tape for the bust line.”- Usually when you buy clothes with “when’s” and “ifs” attached, they end up on the hanger- permanently. So go through your current wardrobe and identify the reasons you bought things that you wouldn’t even think about putting back on now, or why some things still have tags on them. We bet you won’t make the same mistakes anymore.

*Step 4- Mix & Match!
Please do not abuse this step! No need to pick one of everything and throw it together and call it an ensemble! But by all means, pick and chose a few different items from different trends and (by your own personal opinion) if they work well together then great! There are different trends and styles for a reason. So you can pick and chose what you like best. But no one said you have to stay strictly within one! You can combine and substitute items until they work for your personal style! Who knows, you may be the next trend-setter!

*Step 5- Break the Rules!
Last but not least, break the rules! Fashion is supposed to be fun and fearless! The best designers and style icons did not get where they are by following the rules! The world of fashion is such a fun and colorful place to be because of all the variety. Try new things! There have been so many times that our first impression of a trend is – “What was that designer THINKING?” or “Who would ever wear that!?” and sooner than later, that person wearing it is me. Just like any other thing in life an idea has to grow on you. Sometimes you have to warm up to the idea of things. The same goes for fashion. But always keep an open mind! Be fearless and brave! If you see something in a store that you could “never pull off” grab it and try it on! Sometimes you’ll be right, and sometimes you’ll be pleasantly surprised! Let’s face it- rules are meant to be broken, so who’s to say the same doesn’t go for fashion? 

 

 

STOP THE GENOCIDE

The killing of young black male achievers nationwide has reached epic proportions. In a Michigan suburb a few weeks ago, a young man who attended the local high school with college aspirations for the Fall was killed when he attended a party with friends celebration their recent graduation.

The widespread killings have created a phenomena in the African-American community. For years we struggled with falling grades and GPA's below the national average for males in other groups along with low college admissions while a disproportionate number of young black males wasted their lives and purpose incarcerated by a penal system which has a tendency to be more forgiving to non-blacks. Now that we have stressed the importance of high school graduation and college attendance, these high achieving young men with dreams intent on rising above their circumstances are gunned down. These brave and dedicated young people worked to lift themselves and their families and by extension their community out of their circumstances. Why are we allowing their lives to be snuffed out?

Is this another kind of genocide? In the eighties and nineties we saw as drive- by shootings became the order of the day. In fact in law enforcement circles, the feeling among professionals was that young black males would self destruct anyway. Now we need to take a closer look at the alarming rate in which high performing individuals are being attacked and killed. Community leaders need to stand up and take authority over the lack of discipline among our young people. We need to become better at teaching them the right values and place emphasis on leading lives filled with academic achievement.

I can’t say enough how I wish this trend were not so. But in observing the headlines, it becomes clear that a new type of genocide is emerging. In other words, we are killing our own dreams and robbing our community of the long term contribution these young people would make. I am not saying that in not graduating high school you are not worthy of mention. I am simply saying in light of the incarceration likelihood among young black males, it’s time out for this rabid form of genocide.

Why are we seeking to kill one another? The alarming number of black men behind bars should indicate that the time has come for action. The first step begins in our homes. Parents must assume the responsibility to instill a desire to achieve in their children, male and female. Achievement standards should be based on a balanced curriculum of academics, sports and the arts. We need to be at the forefront of the war on violence in our community. As an advocate to end violence in our communities I am stating my desire for peaceful resolution to all areas of conflict.

In my experience I have found children to be products of their environment,I have found children do live what they learn . It means that inside our homes when we encounter situations and disagreements, we must be the example to demonstrate a non violent approach to solving areas of conflict. It’s one of the primary reasons I removed myself from a physically violent and abusive marriage as I didn’t want my daughter to be exposed to violence. I had taught her non-violent approaches to conflict. However I knew if she continued to witness seeing Daddy hit Mommy whenever there was disagreement, she would grow up to believe that it is normal.

In an effort to stem the tide of violence in my home, I with stood severe hardship and removed myself and my daughter from that abusive environment.I nonetheless persevered as I continued believing in the hope that her future is greater than her past. I took the responsibility as the parent, to ensure violence became a non-factor in her life. This is the responsibility of parenting. Parents must recognize the impact your words and actions have on the young persons in your home. We must continue in making strides to improve the ways in which we communicate and the exertion of power in our relationships. Our children are observing our behavior and are making decisions based on how they interpret our actions. We must be the ones to stem the rising tide of of disregard for human life.

This random genocide has to stop. Stop killing each other . Love one another. Respect each other. Stop using guns and other weapons of mass destruction in our communities. Stop disregarding the value of human life. We must stop the violence.

Underwear- What Does It Say About You?

It’s been many years since we have seen a growing trend among young people to display their underwear. We adults of a certain generation find it offensive to identify areas of one’s anatomy by the garment that covers it. In the eighties, a well known pop star first wore a bustier and created a world- wide phenomenon in the first public viewing of underwear as outerwear. That was sometime ago. In recent times we have seen young urban African-American males with their pants sagging below what is deemed appropriate to wear in public.

As part of my observation on cultural trends, it is hard not to accept the influence pop stars, musicians and actors have on impressionable minds. With the current spate in or society of children raising children, we have become deficient in the teaching of morals to our offspring. I have often said that parenting is the first frontier in the defense of the home and the values taught to the next generation.

But what about the responsibility pop stars, entertainers and athletes have to the people who support their work, buy their products, CDs and watch their movies? It’s one thing to say parents should control and monitor what their children access in media. I agree. In my household, I am the role model and the lead influencer and certainly the decision maker on what is good and acceptable for my children.

I do not allow my children to be influenced by someone whose value system I don’t know about. It’s hard to imagine that someone else outside of my sphere of influence could affect my children’s views and outlook on life. It just doesn’t happen. This to me is where all parents should strive to be.

I recognize the gap that exists between parenting, work and the balance that should be created to avoid too much access to media and third party influence on children. Take for instance the recent BET Awards. The entertainer Lil Wayne who was recently released from prison for drugs and weapons possessions (I shudder to think) wore his underwear as outerwear in his performance. I was disgusted at his complete lack of modesty and the desecration of the flag worn on his posterior.

What kind of society are we creating in which the flag is reduced to being your underwear? Now tell me why my children should take my hard earned money to purchase one of his CDs. Not in my household, and definitely not my money. This is how all parents should be. All of us must make every effort to teach our children what is right and what is wrong, what the society expects, and how to conduct themselves while bearing in mind how their actions are interpreted by others.
I find it grossly irresponsible of athletes and entertainers to disregard the influence they have on youth, while at the same time holding their hands out to take your money.

I am calling for a time out on bad behavior. It is time out for me viewing your underwear as you walk through Malls, parking lots, movie cinemas and other public places. When I was growing up, we were taught to take pride in our appearance. We were told to always put your best foot forward you only get one chance to make a good impression. We need to start holding our sons and daughters accountable for how they present themselves in public. By no stretch of the imagination am I a prude. But I err on the side of good taste. I really don’t want to see your underwear in public.

The Chris Brown Show

I among many other African-Americans watched the BET Awards show Sunday. It was interesting to watch various performers entertain us with their talent. I must confess, I became hesitant to believe in the integrity of the judges who decide the winners as Chris Brown emerged the winner in every category he was nominated.

Call it good luck or a comeback. I choose to call it a non-factor. The issue is Chris Brown has demonstrated scant regard for his violent and abusive tendencies. Recently on a Good Morning America segment, he threw a chair through a window. He was rewarded for his bad behavior by appearances on other TV shows. How much longer as a community are we going to continue rewarding abusive men? Some two years ago he was convicted of domestic assault on his then girlfriend, Rihanna. I, myself have survived an abusive relationship. I am intimately familiar with the signs of abuse.

It’s fairly predictable that it’s only a matter of time before he hits someone again. Why did the Bet Awards place such an emphasis on his less than stellar achievements? In doing so what they have done is to call into discredit the achievements of others who have gone before and who have paved the way for people like Chris brown to come forward. It’s a shame to have turned the BET 2011 Awards Show into the Chris Brown Show. In light of his violent tendencies he hasn’t’ been a shining example of black manhood. Unless I get this wrong, black men do want the society to perceive them as non violent. Help me out here.

If non-violent black men want to change the society’s’ perception then it’s time to stop supporting men who continue to use their wives and girlfriends, sisters, and daughters as battering rams and receptacles for their expression of anger. How can we expect the wider society to believe that we are interested in progress and non-violent approaches to conflict resolution if we continue to exalt persons who exhibit anger and violence as a method of communication?

I am not averse to individuals being given a second chance. I myself have been given many second chances. The fact that I can write this today is proof of the many changes I have been given. I am deeply appreciative of living the life I now live one outside of violence. I wish that all women and children and men will experience that too. The society as a whole doles out second chances to individuals to ensure their return to normalcy. I believe in this reagard, entertainer Lil Wayne has benefited to some degree. I was distressed to see him using his underwear as outerwear and choosing to make the flag as coverage for his nether parts. Something has got to give. This kind of self-destructive behavior needs to be addressed. It was the host Kevin Hart who at to the beginning of the show says entertainers are surrounded by ‘yes’ men. He called for a time of ‘no’ men. Those who call a spade a spade.

The next time someone seeks to change our perception of who we are, I believe we would want that to be good. If I may point out, the whole crux of the Civil Rights Movement was a non-violent approach to solving the issues of that time.

Now, we are standing on the shoulders of those who have gone before, who laid their lives down that we might experience our heyday and appreciation for our talents. At some point someone has to stand up and say enough is enough. We are not proud of your activities on and off the stage. Once you take the stage in any field, you have now become a role model for others to look up to. I hesitate to think that the well meaning persons in Chris Brown’s circle have no appreciation for the impact his behavior has on others. It would be remiss of them to underestimate the power of suggestion. By giving him more and more access to media, you are further enhancing his image of being a bad boy, that it is okay to be bad, in fact here is a trophy in recognition of your activity.

I am disappointed in BET. I would have thought they would have placed any necessary recognition on Chris in a muted way. I did not expect this show which was to honor entertainers and performers for thier achievements, it turned out to be an expose or a comeback for Chris Brown. The wider society now thinks African Americans celebrate violent and abusive actions perpetrated by men on their intimate partners.
The Chris Brown Show? Yes it was, the message was clear it wasn’t about celebrating achievement. It was about an in your face attitude that violence against women is okay.